Used underwear found in garbage sparks conflicting reports.

BURLINGTON – A woman preparing herself for work last Tuesday was startled to find a crumpled pair of men’s underwear in the garbage of the washroom she shares with her husband.

“When I noticed this pair of navy blue boxer briefs in the garbage, I knew immediately that my husband had shit his pants.” said Lisa, the wife of the assumed pants-shitter. “I was just confused at whether he put them in the trash right away, or attempted to scrub them clean before recognizing they couldn’t be saved.”

Lisa then confronted her husband asking point blank when he shit his pants.

“I was shocked, to be perfectly honest.”, said Peter, the husband of the messy undies. “Just because a pair of boxer briefs is in the trash, doesn’t mean it’s because I had an accident. These particular briefs were over two years old and were cheaply made. They had never held up to my expectations and it was time to throw them out. There is nothing more to it than that.”

Lisa, having heard the same response from Peter when she confronted him is not buying it. “I’ve lived with him for almost twenty years, and I know he’s just embarrassed and not wanting to admit he shit his pants. It happens to people – never to me and I would be horrified if it did – but sometimes you can’t control it. I just don’t understand why he won’t admit his shit his pants.”

When Lisa was asked whether she inspected the underwear further than just looking, she replied “I don’t need to. I know my husband, and I know why he threw them out. He shit his pants and there is nothing he can say that will convince me otherwise.”.

Peter tried to explain on three different occasions that he did not shit his pants, but he finally succumbed to the accusations of his wife. “I really don’t think I shit my pants, but now I can’t say for certain that I didn’t. Lisa is a reasonable woman and if she has this much conviction that I shit my pants, I must have shit my pants.”

Lisa and Peter are now focusing on budgeting their finances to support a purchase of a new twelve pack of boxer briefs from Costco. However as of time of publishing this story, neither could agree on who’s turn it was to do the Costco-run.